It’s a cold, wet, grey day here in the Bay area. The kind of day when going out is no fun and even inside under with the lights on, it’s still feeling dark. Not sure what to do today, motivation is very low.

I also found this:

The perfect accessory for a spanking

We all need more purple in our lives. I’m anxiously awaiting the delivery of my new toy and my replacement bullets.

Not that it has slowed us down at all. Last night I offered wild monkey sex. We can debate if last night actually could be categorized as wild monkey sex. But it was definitely awesome sex.

The flogging was stingy and owie. I found myself mentally struggling with being stoic and not reacting. I am not sure why I think it’s somehow better not to react and just bend over and take it. I actually have to mentally focus on owing and screaming and wiggling and not just sitting there like a lump.

Stingy.

It was good.

There was some rather athletic fucking afterwards, too.

Tied up. Flogged. Paddled. Fucked.

Maybe then I can string a coherent narrative.

“mmmm…” I said.

I don’t actually take hints well, not because I don’t want to, I just miss them. I’m not very good at the whole reading and interpreting body language thing. Add in lying in bed in a dark room and I often feel completely lost. Wait, what? Is that a hint? Is he interested? Am I missing something? Maybe he’s just sleepy, he was very tired today and on and on and on. I really hate my brain sometimes.

I like it when he gives me a clear signal. Like, last night when he shifted my hand down to his cock. That kind of hint I can understand. And follow through on.

It happens sometimes, usually when I’m stressed. I hate it. Hate Hate Hate it! I just can’t relax and enjoy things. Foreplay is distracting, not exciting. Of course, the longer it goes on, the more worked up I get and the more worked up I get the more thought threads spawn. Eventually, my brain explodes.

It’s not even like this is related to sex with Cam, I’ve tried masturbating recently and my brain goes through the same cycle. Annoying enough that I just give up, it’s not fun, it’s not exciting and it makes me feel bad.

On the good end, I’m a lot less inclined to give up. This is a good thing. A little vibe, a little fucking and the Monkees faded away.

Middle of the night sex is good. When the phone rang at 6:30 this morning I semi-regretted 2 am sex. But only semi.

Well.

I’ve been fascinated by bondage and sexual submission for as long as I can remember even thinking about sex.  I suspect those stories are for blog posts another day.