The weekend turned out to be a whole lot busier than I expected. We did a bucket of shopping, visited the colo to grab a server, cooked a very yummy pair of meals, and had time for a quickie.
Amazingly enough, getting stuff done was not on the list, but I’m feeling accomplished today. On top of that, sometime during the day on Friday my libido snuck up behind me and hit me on the ass. *wiggle* No, really. I am wandering around craving contact and sex and ropes and cuffs and naked bodies and slippery skin. I’ve even been looking for sexy outfits that I wear for all of about 20 minutes.
The thing is, sometimes my shyness (and, yes, I am still sometimes shy even with the man who first saw me naked in 1998) means I can’t decide if showing up wearing leather cuffs and not much else will be well received. It’s stupid, I know it will be well received. But…
Yeah. I just need to do it.
*wink*
The month hasn’t gotten any less stressful since I last posted. It’s finally Friday and I don’t have anything to do for the next day or two. It’s a weird feeling, not having to actually do anything.
In addition to being busy and stressful, I’ve also had a lot of responsibility. I am somewhat of a control freak, so the responsibility isn’t bad, but in terms of my sex drive and libido it can be. When I get like this, I can’t shut my brain off enough to really get into sex.
I’m sitting here, though, fantasizing about the thought of being tied down. Flogging. Limit pushing. A place to physically struggle and thrash around. Work off this nervous, stressed energy.
The strange thing is, if asked I’d say I didn’t want this. I don’t want to have to give up the control I’ve been holding over myself the last few months. I don’t want to lose control. I don’t want it.
Except I do want someone to take it from me. To lose myself in the moment and only have to do what I’m told. To drown in sensation. To drop the rational part of my mind, just for a little while.
The thought makes me hot, even as it scares me.
Fiona’s world has been chock full of stress recently. Way too much stress for a healthy sex life. It’s making me very unhappy.
Cuddling is great. We were lying naked in bed last night watching a movie and I cuddled up with him. Skin to skin contact felt great. It was wonderful to feel his body against mine. But, getting relaxed and turned on? Not so much. I am not sure what to do.
It’s not this hasn’t happened before, it has. Usually I can get back into the groove with some vibrations, but I can’t get there right now.
Not a huge amount of fun here. I’m tense and stressed and considering going for a massage just because the achey pain after the massage has to be better than the tension. But then I remember that I’m feeling weird about touching and wonder if a massage is the right thing.
Blech.