Displaying 1 - 10 of 76 entries.


  • Posted on January 22, 2012 at 9:12 am

It’s the new year, time for resolutions.

More Sex.

I resolve to have more sex in 2012.

Cam asked me to write about what I want because trying to say it turns my brain to mush.

More Sex.

More writing about sex.

2012: the year of sex.

Weekday sex!

  • Posted on March 25, 2011 at 11:15 am

It’s been so busy here we’ve been lucky to get freaky on the weekends. But last night we even managed weeknight sex! I’m so happy!

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Resolution failure

  • Posted on January 11, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Resolved: I’ll blog here at least weekly. That was two weeks ago. Oops. But, I’ll put in a short post here today for discipline. No better way to remember to blog here then to do it regularly.

I also need to fix this damn theme. It’s driving me nuts.

Revisiting the blog

  • Posted on December 31, 2010 at 11:57 am

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted here. But WP is updated, background setup stuff is accomplished and I have a clean slate and a New Year’s resolution to start writing here again. At least one blog post a week.

slightly sore

  • Posted on June 7, 2010 at 8:46 am

An hour of yoga yesterday afternoon followed by some rather energetic and athletic sex last night leaves Fiona feeling a bit well used and sore this morning.

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Fat, eating, exercise and diet: part 3

  • Posted on May 23, 2010 at 8:50 am

In parts one and two I talked about my history and views on being fat. But the personal is political and the obesity epidemic is a giant political issue right now. And, despite the fact that many people would consider me part of the problem, I don’t hate everything being attempted to halt the growing weight of the US population. And, increased weight does correlate to increased health problems. Correlation is not causation and absolutely there are skinny folks who have health problems, too.

To my own mind though, the obesity epidemic is a visual indicator of a decreasing level of health. We’re just not as healthy as we were. There are a huge number of reasons this is true and I don’t think it’s just those of us who are obese who are the unhealthy ones.

There is much about modern life that leads us to leads to poor health. Food policies, economic policies, transportation policies, zoning polices all contribute. Stress, pollution, food additives, sprawl all affect health of individuals and health of the population.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that everyone who is obese is healthy, that’s just silly. And I’m certainly not going to tell you that if they’d just exercise a little bit and eat a little healthier that weight would drop off. That’s equally silly. For better or worse many of us have bodies that are very, very good at holding onto fat. We can gain weight and our bodies seriously resist any attempt to lose it.

Many of these things are out of individual control. Many of the ways to permanently lose weight (if there is actually such a thing) are so time and labor intensive that they don’t fit into our lives in any rational manner. I don’t think that “the obese” have a responsibility to me or you or society in general to lose weight. But I do think there are societal changes that will help people be healthier: increasing walkability, better food options in food deserts, fixing the federal farm subsidies, more education on nutrition. These things will help people become healthier.

Fat, eating, dieting and exercise: part 2

  • Posted on May 2, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I talked about my own body image, experiences with weight and refusal to diet recently. This is a very personal decision that has been made somewhat political. I am one of those Obese Americans. On one level I am one of the good fatties: I eat very little pre-processed food, only small amounts of fast food, I exercise, I eat organic, I do all the things that “experts” tell you to do to be healthy. Sure, I’m still fat, but I’m an in-betweenie and can still shop in regular stores.

I am also of the belief that for many of us are bodies are going to be the weight they’re going to be. Diet and exercise may create some change, but in general we’re going to drift to the weight our bodies want to be. My stomach, for instance, will never have a flat stomach. I could drop 80 pounds and I’d still have a tubby middle. That’s just the way I’m built.

I’m not alone, a lot of other people are built to retain fat more than lean. People have different shapes and different weights and that’s just the way we are. Phenotypic diversity… it’s not just a theory it’s reality.

But, but, but… what about the obesity epidemic!? What about all the fat people who eat fast food every day? They’re shortening their lives and costing us money and are BAD PEOPLE! Yeah, that whole can of worms.

I believe there is a real phenomenon in the US where people are gaining more weight now than they have in the past. The why is not as simple as just eat less and exercise more.

Look, losing weight is not a simple issue. Sure, eat fewer calories than you burn and you will lose weight. But do it the wrong way and many bodies adapt to lower the number of calories burned. Seriously, the number of calories that are burned is not a constant. Bodies in starvation mode get really efficient at extracting calories from food and using fewer calories for normal activities.

When I first started exercising I didn’t increase the number of calories I ate, but didn’t lose any weight. It wasn’t until I cut my calories back slightly (and we’re talking very slightly — 100 – 300 calories a day) that I started to lose weight. At least until I plateaued and increasing exercise and lowering calories down another 300 didn’t cause me to lose weight. I kept that up for 3 – 4 weeks and decided that my body was just not going to cooperate and drop more weight. This was the place it wanted to be right now. I added *back* the 600 calories and continued exercising and didn’t gain any weight. Go figure.

Are people unhealthy? Hell yes. Are higher BMIs correlated with risks for disease? Yes. Do I have a responsibility to society to actually starve myself down to a normal BMI? No. Do I have a responsibility to myself to be healthy? I think I do, but I don’t think my weight is the sole indicator of my health. And, sometimes, limiting my calories or increasing my exercise takes a back seat to taking care of myself mentally or making sure my blood sugar doesn’t drop far enough to send me into a raging maniac or participating in social gatherings or any of the millions of other ways to caretake that don’t involve massively restricting my calorie intake.

Fat, eating, dieting and exercise: part 1

  • Posted on April 30, 2010 at 9:38 am

I’m one of those fat chicks. I’ve been fat since I was a pre-teen. When I was in my late teens I made an informed decision that I was not going to diet. I may, at some point in my life, decide I wanted to lose weight, but I would only make those changes I could maintain for ever. I wasn’t going to do a short term diet, and yo-yo around.

For the most part, I’ve managed that. I’ve generally eaten a fairly good diet, and tried to incorporate exercise into my daily life. Working on large, sprawling campuses and taking public transportation to work helped me “exercise” without ever going to the gym.

Age and a career change resulted in a 15 – 20 pound weight gain over the last decade or so. I also lost a lot of muscle and strength. I was kinda OK with this. I mean, I had to be OK with it. It was my body and I’m not going to get another one so I can either be comfortable in my skin (by sheer force of will) or I can hate myself. Hating myself seemed like an awful lot of work and not much fun. I didn’t quite like my new body, but I didn’t hate it enough to do anything about it.

All of this is kinda my round about way to say I’ve been what some might consider a member of the fat acceptance movement since before there was a fat acceptance movement. My body is not conventional nor is it beautiful. But it is what it is and I can either pour a lot of money and time into conforming to beauty, or I can just accept I will never be beautiful or acceptable and actually pour my time and money into being the best Fiona I could be.

A few years ago, I decided to add a little more movement into my life. Short walks around the local park. No real goal other than get out and move for 20 minutes. Gradually I improved my stamina and speed. I also started counting calories. I wasn’t restricting as much as measuring. But, while eating 1600 – 1800 calories a day and walking a few times a week I managed to lose a little more than 15 pounds over the course of a year.

I don’t want to diet, because I just don’t. But we’ve gradually made changes to our overall nutritional intake (more veggies, less meat) that make it reasonably easy to maintain this weight loss. I stopped walking over the winter because it’s cold and miserable. I started again this spring, though, and have almost returned to my fitness level.

There are some interesting changes from all this. One, I have a much better feel for my fitness and body. Two, my hypoglycemia has returned with a vengeance. For a while I wasn’t having hypoglycemic episodes very frequently and could predict them. Now I’m much more likely to crash. I don’t like it, but it does mean my blood sugar levels are lower so I cope. Third, shopping isn’t a chore anymore. I can actually fit into a standard size 14 now, which means some subset of off the rack clothes fit and I can look nice. Fourth, people can suck it if they think I’m too fat to bare my arms. This is one part of my life where I’m average.

One of the important parts of my journey to health has been taking my mental health into account. I haven’t been beating myself up for not exercising 5 times a week, or for having a cookie or a piece of cake. I have been trying to eat mindfully and listen to my body and not mindlessly follow dieting “rules” (8 cups of water a day, no coffee, no sugar, no real butter, no cheese…). Food substitutes are not food, so I’m focusing on eating good, tasty, satisfying foods instead of lots of “diet food.”

A rather long introduction about my own life because I want to talk about obesity and healthy and dieting.

Being in love

  • Posted on April 19, 2010 at 7:49 pm

I’m feeling sloppy in love this evening. It’s kinda amazing given we’re in our second decade of being married. But, y’know, he is an awesome partner, lover and friend. And, yes, I still am laughing at his jokes after all this time.

We had a wonderful meal this evening. High quality ingredients, well cooked (if I do say so myself) and a pleasant bottle of wine. I was pondering dessert, but am thinking that will be overkill. We do have berries, cream and the make-your-own-squirty-cream dispenser.

mmmm… sweet cream flavored Cam.

Relationships, eh?

  • Posted on April 14, 2010 at 9:15 pm

We all come into relationships with our own bits and pieces. Living as part of a couple means accepting not only your bits and pieces but also the bits belonging to your partner. I can’t imagine it’s *easier* when there is a BDSM component.

We’ve both been stressed beyond belief lately, causing me a lot of angst. I tend to believe everything that goes wrong is My Fault. If Cam’s stressed clearly it’s because I’m not a good partner and have done something to upset him. I’m learning to trust that he will tell me if it’s me, though.

It’s not easy for me to believe in all the problems in the relationship aren’t my fault. I mean, when I was having roommate problems in college and way trying to talk to mom about it, she mom told me it was my fault. I’m still not sure how, roomie was dealing drugs out of our room and I wanted it to stop. She was a night owl and would come in at 2 and 3 in the morning and call friends. Or play video games with the sound all the way up. She stole from me and all sorts of other stuff. I actually believed this was my fault. And if I was just a better roommate that there wouldn’t be conflict between us and we would both be happier.

I learned that lesson all too well. And so when Cam is stressed and unhappy I immediately assume it’s my fault.

Last time it happened, though, I didn’t over-react. I gave him space and trusted that he’d tell me if there was something I was doing wrong. It worked, too. It wasn’t something I did and without me defensively overreacting things didn’t escalate. It was scary and felt very risky on my part, but in this case the risk paid off. We’re not stuck in conflict with each other. The stress is still there but I didn’t make it worse. This is a win to my mind.