Wait. What? I have a blog?
Oh, yeah. I do have a blog here. Not that anyone has yet read it or found it or anything (I suspect some nekkid pictures or more sex content will change that) but the last two months have been an whirl of insanity in our otherwise busy lives.
However, I’ve dug out my passwords and managed to log in and futz around with upgrades and stuff. I think I’ve managed to not break stuff too badly.
I didn’t buy the skirt I was talking about, but I am still thinking about it. I need to head up to the city and the various sex shops, anyway, as my favorite bullet vibrator is flaking out. The wire between battery and bullet is broken and it only works intermittently. I tried replacing it with a new one, but the new one sucks. Hate it.
It’s LOUD. Very loud. Disturbing the peace loud. It’s also not variable speed. It has variable settings, but they’re not continuous, which I like. Oh, and the LED is light-up-the-bedroom bright. Not a good vibe.
Sadly, I can’t find the same one I had before, so I’m going to need to actually go to the stores and play until I find one I like. Oh, well, more toys are good, right?
OOH! Shiny!
Stress is the order of the day here. Mostly work related but we’ve both been barely keeping our heads above water at work and that’s bled over into late nights working and stressing about things.
I’m thinking of getting a new skirt, though. http://www.madame-s.com/WL206.html
We even have a credit there from the purchase of our bed.
*pondering*
Safe spaces
I’ve been thinking a lot about safe spaces. And I can’t help thinking about my experience at Folsom St. Fair this year.
The fair itself felt like an amazingly safe space. Sure, there was lots of skin even to the point of completely naked people walking around on leashes. In the midst of all this obvious sexuality and exhibitionism the most common thing I overheard was people asking for permission to touch, or even take pictures.
This is so different than most places. In many places the assumption is that touch is welcome unless it is explicitly negated. At Folsom, the assumption is that touch is unwelcome unless it’s explicitly permitted.
In fact, walking down Market street in my new corset was much braver than getting into the corset at the fair. At the fair, I was just another person on exhibit. But I was secure that no one would touch, without my (or Cam’s) permission. On Market, no one would touch but the looks were … different. I was very grateful for a protective male next to me.
Things they don’t tell you about being married
A few months ago there was a ‘lifestyle’ article at CNN that listed a number of drawbacks to being married that no one ever tells you. I won’t mention that clearly people DO tell you as it was on Oprah.com and linked to from the front page of CNN. Hard to pretend those are secrets, y’know?
One of the bad things was: this is the person you’re going to wake up next to for the rest of your life.
Wait, WHAT? This is a drawback? I absolutely adore waking up next to Cam every day. Really.
I’ve come up with my own list of things they don’t tell you about being married.
- It’s awesome. Seriously. Think about the greatest thing that happened to you. Now imagine having that great thing Every Single Day. Nothing prepared me for how great it is to live with someone I love so much.
- It’s hard. Having to consider someone else in every decision? Apologizing even when you don’t really think you were wrong? Living with someone all the time, dealing with their stress as well as your own? Yeah. Hard.
- It’s easy. Having someone around to share the burdens of life? A companion who will bring you a drink (tea, martini, coffee) when you’re too busy. Someone to remind you to take care of yourself when your stress levels go through the roof? It’s easy.
- It’s fun. Shared jokes, shared experiences, shared laughter.
- Cookies.
Stockroom catalog
Our catalog from the Stockroom arrived recently. The mailing envelope was plain brown paper. Inside the envelope was another, white, envelope. This envelope explained they were sorry for wasting paper, but that they were required by law to have a “Adult content” warning. They also didn’t want to embarrass customers, so they used the 2 envelopes. In addition to the warning, they offered a $5.00 off coupon, too.
Nifty marketing, I thought.
New toys are always fun. I need to organize our current toys before we can buy more, though. Maybe that will be today’s project.
Finding a groove
The weekend turned out to be a whole lot busier than I expected. We did a bucket of shopping, visited the colo to grab a server, cooked a very yummy pair of meals, and had time for a quickie.
Amazingly enough, getting stuff done was not on the list, but I’m feeling accomplished today. On top of that, sometime during the day on Friday my libido snuck up behind me and hit me on the ass. *wiggle* No, really. I am wandering around craving contact and sex and ropes and cuffs and naked bodies and slippery skin. I’ve even been looking for sexy outfits that I wear for all of about 20 minutes.
The thing is, sometimes my shyness (and, yes, I am still sometimes shy even with the man who first saw me naked in 1998) means I can’t decide if showing up wearing leather cuffs and not much else will be well received. It’s stupid, I know it will be well received. But…
Yeah. I just need to do it.
*wink*
It’s the weekend…
The month hasn’t gotten any less stressful since I last posted. It’s finally Friday and I don’t have anything to do for the next day or two. It’s a weird feeling, not having to actually do anything.
In addition to being busy and stressful, I’ve also had a lot of responsibility. I am somewhat of a control freak, so the responsibility isn’t bad, but in terms of my sex drive and libido it can be. When I get like this, I can’t shut my brain off enough to really get into sex.
I’m sitting here, though, fantasizing about the thought of being tied down. Flogging. Limit pushing. A place to physically struggle and thrash around. Work off this nervous, stressed energy.
The strange thing is, if asked I’d say I didn’t want this. I don’t want to have to give up the control I’ve been holding over myself the last few months. I don’t want to lose control. I don’t want it.
Except I do want someone to take it from me. To lose myself in the moment and only have to do what I’m told. To drown in sensation. To drop the rational part of my mind, just for a little while.
The thought makes me hot, even as it scares me.
Too much stress, too little sex
Fiona’s world has been chock full of stress recently. Way too much stress for a healthy sex life. It’s making me very unhappy.
Cuddling is great. We were lying naked in bed last night watching a movie and I cuddled up with him. Skin to skin contact felt great. It was wonderful to feel his body against mine. But, getting relaxed and turned on? Not so much. I am not sure what to do.
It’s not this hasn’t happened before, it has. Usually I can get back into the groove with some vibrations, but I can’t get there right now.
Not a huge amount of fun here. I’m tense and stressed and considering going for a massage just because the achey pain after the massage has to be better than the tension. But then I remember that I’m feeling weird about touching and wonder if a massage is the right thing.
Blech.
Wild monkey sex
I don’t think either of us planned for wild monkey sex. For one thing the cat decided to park himself between the two of us, hogging at least half of our king size bed. Add to that my through-the-roof stress level, bruised tailbone (don’t ask) and painfully tight muscles and sex just didn’t seem to be on the agenda.
Cam maneuvered around the cat in order to give me a back rub. I can’t say it was nice as it was more therapeutic than anything else. After beating up on my back for a while, he tied my wrists behind my back. (What? doesn’t everyone have bondage rope tied to the bed in a convenient location?)
“now what you going to do?” he asked.
“Wriggle,” I said. It’s all I could do.
Wriggling commenced as he continued to just run his hands all over my body.
Eventually he untied me, I wriggled, there was licking and sucking and wild monkey sex.
And it was good.